My Wife Went Away And Left Me

My wife went away and she left me
Out in this wide world alone
Sadness and gladness she left me
She left a doggone good home
I wrote her a letter last Tuesday
Sealed it with a kiss
The answer came back next morning
And what she said to me was this

When the groc'ry man puts sand in the sugar
The milkman makes milk out of chalk
Boys stay home with their mothers
Women forget how to talk
When the ocean turns into corn whiskey
The railroad runs under the sea
And the man in the moon comes down in a balloon
Then darling, I'll come back to thee

I sat down and wrote her another
Sealed it with my fist
The answer came back next morning
And what she said to me was this

When the moon turns into an apple
And a rainbow turns into a vine
They build a steeple to heaven
The stars they all fail to shine
When the ocean turns into rye whiskey
Makes glasses to see the wind
When the girls quit using powder and paint
Then darling, I'll ask you again